Worthy '11(After-Testimony time!)

I Am Home.
Before I left for the retreat, I had the feeling that this was going to be the best 4 days of my life! 
Yes, parts were hard. Yes, I had to change my life a lot, but if I had to do it again, I wouldn't change one thing! 
I went into the retreat like I always do. With the mindset of YES! I get to spend 4 whole days with my friends! 
Little did I know that God had much bigger and better plans for me. 
Every moment of my life was leading up to this retreat! For the longest time, I thought all was well with God. I worshiped him in Church, I raised my hands, I prayed sometimes, and occasionally I would pick up my bible. But my heart was never in it. My whole life revolved around my friends, and I wasn't following God with the way I was living. I hid things from my parents, I sinned constantly in my mind, and towards my siblings, and I was often angry with how my life turned out. Angry with God.
And I was completely blind to it.
Day One of Worthy was wonderful! I met new people, I saw my friends, and I worshiped at the main session. I thought that everything was going great! 
Day two was also great. Even though I was sick and had to sit out of the games and things, I kept thinking just so long as I can spend time with my friends, everything will be fine. 
The next day, everything changed. At the morning session, during worship, I had a word from God that I was supposed to go talk to the guy that I like, to let him know how I feel.
That terrified me! I was so afraid that it was going to just blow up in my face, and that I would lose a valuable friendship. But after much thought and prayer I decided to go ahead and listen. Of course, at that moment a spiritual Rube Goldberg started in my heart. One thing lead to another thing, and another, and another, but I had no idea what it was leading to. 
Later that day I went and talked to the guy, and at the time, I thought that everything was fine! I felt at peace and I could even focus better at the next morning's session.
Day four was...well awkward. What had happened nagged at me all day, and it was all I could think about.
That night was ministry night. Ministry night is the night that we as a youth ministry spend an entire session praying and worshiping. I went into it like nothing was wrong. As people started to pray, I found that I couldn't focus at all. EVERYTHING was wrong. I felt like I was in a pit. One that I couldn't get out of, and whatever I tried to do to fix it just made things worse. I started to pray for my situation. Once I started, I couldn't stop. Hopelessness was welling up inside of me, and I felt like I was never going to get out of this. The whole time, I cried, prayed, cried, prayed, and cried and cried some more. I felt completely alone sitting in the crowd of people praying, receiving spiritual gifts, and giving their lives to God. 
At the bottom of that pit, I felt completely weighed down. All of my sin had followed me down into the darkness. All of it. Everything that I had kept to myself and everything I didn't repent for was there with me along with the burden of my awkward situation, down in the hole that had become my life. 
Everything was clear to me now. There was NOTHING that I could to to pull myself up.
As I sat and cried, a few girls came and sat with me. They put their arms around me and let me cry. I cried through most of the worship. The girls who were sitting with me started to pray. When they asked what was wrong, all I could say was 
"I just need God!"
They prayed with me and I repented of my sins to God. The hopelessness melted away. It felt as though God had not only pulled me out of the pit, but he had also brushed me off and was holding me in his arms while I confessed everything. 
I felt completely free! The weight was lifted off of my shoulders. EVERYTHING had changed! The first thing I did afterwards was go to that guy and apologize. The feelings are still there, but now I know that God can take me through anything! That with God's help, everything can change, and I can be at peace with my emotions. The theme of the retreat this year was God Changes Everything, and now it all makes sense!! God DID change everything! 
I still have sin in my life, there will always be sin, but GOD has saved me! GOD has forgiven me! 
I AM FREE!
"And you were dead in the trespasses and sins in which you once walked, following the course of this world, following the prince of the power of the air, the spirit that is now at work in the sons of disobedience— among whom we all once lived in the passions of our flesh, carrying out the desires of the body and the mind, and were by nature children of wrath, like the rest of mankind. 

But God, being rich in mercy, because of the great love with which he loved us, even when we were dead in our trespasses, made us alive together with Christ 

-by grace you have been saved- 

and raised us up with him and seated us with him in the heavenly places in Christ Jesus, so that in the coming ages he might show the immeasurable riches of his grace in kindness toward us in Christ Jesus. 

For by grace you have been saved through faith. And this is not your own doing; it is the gift of God, not a result of works, so that no one may boast. For we are his workmanship, created in Christ Jesus for good works, which God prepared beforehand, that we should walk in them."

Ephesians 2:1-10